I get told I'm 'always happy'. That I 'smile all the time'. Someone questioned me only hours ago if I 'ever had anything go wrong in my life'. My secret? Most things are. I mean... I smile at college on a Monday morning, even if I have spent the weekend looking after a drunken sister that has stumbled home late. We were all meant to come home early to meet the Nana. We haven't seen her since Christmas and it was her birthday so she was on her way down. Why on earth would you go out and get smashed when something that important, something we've all been preparing for for so long, was about to happen?
Everyone hides. Today, I saw something I have never seen before and have never imagined possible. I watched my eldest sister, who I admire and look up to, drunkenly crying and telling me she hates herself. Which is not what I was expecting on a day I have been looking forward to for weeks. I have seen her drunk many times and yet, she never said those things to me before. She'd never said how she hated herself, or her life, or anything. I'm really confused as to what I'm supposed to do with myself. Whether to make my Nana's trip more enjoyable or focus on my deteriorating spirit and happiness of my sister. It's all a bit too much to handle for me but, I think... *Deep Breath* It has to be me. My parents are too angry and my brother is out getting drunk. I'm left to sort out everyone's problems, as per usual. I guess... Old habits die hard. For everyone...
Ta-rah.
I'll check in again sometime soon... CBC xx
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