What do you do when something happens, something so indescribably terrible, that the two people that are most involved have a relationship; and that relationship is effected to the point of failure? What happens when exactly a year later, after both moving on, you are forced together for several hours on the anniversary of this tragedy? Pretending nothing is wrong. Pretending that you're both happy. Pretending nothing happened at all.
Pretending - the word makes me sick to my stomach. It is the single vilest, most evil source of human incompetence that I can imagine ever appearing in a persons life. It promotes lies, disbelief and dishonesty. All of which lead to problems, corruption and difficulty.
I couldn't look at him. I swore blindly to anyone that would listen that I am over him but just seeing him there and acting like nothing was wrong made me think differently.
A secret; just talking to him without any hint of sadness or anger in our voices sent me into a mad spiral. I was back-peddling through the months that have passed to when we first began and I can honestly say that I forgot who he had become and what he had done for a few brief moments of delight. A delicious memory that antagonized me to regurgitate from my past. Yet, one that endeared me to him in a different sort of way. It made me believe in certain things again. certain choices and thoughts that I was once so strongly opinionated on.
Not that it gave me any notion to rekindle our passion or any thing from our previous relationship but, it prepared me more for any future ones. It made me see that life moves on. People moves on. Above all, love will always be there but, you have to mold it into the type of love that you desire with each new love that dawn brings.
Life is a journey, after all. Now is the time to make mistakes, to choose wrongly and to falter. That way, when the times comes to seriously look upon your life's choices you can say with adamant belief that your choices were the right ones because you made sure they were the ones that you wanted at the time.
Just another of my Epiphanies. ^.^
Ta-rah! Love CBC <3 xxx
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