"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know"
This is a perfect piece of literature which I believe defines everyone at some point during their teenage years.The moments in life when you feel like you're lost. Moments when you're doubting your choices and/or beliefs. Moments when confusion spreads and deceit taints the path ahead.
The times you makes choices and then realise the consequences you will have to face through the repercussions of those choices.
Hence, my life, right now.
The mother of the guy I kissed asked him if we were dating and he said "I don't know.. maybe". The guy I have liked for ages. The guy that used to belong to my best friend. The guy who I can not stop liking it seems.
But the conversation he told me of; the one that occurred between him and his mother... It's put everything into perspective. It ISN'T right, despite my feelings. It is completely wrong in fact to act upon these feelings because first and foremost; I am a best friend. And best friends do not do things like this. Despite how happy it may make them. So now, I have to figure out what I am to do.. I know that other friends will say I am making excuses to push out any chance of happiness for myself. Or that I am trying to make excuses because I believe I don't deserve happiness. However, that isn't the case. I have acted selfishly. I have behaved in a manor inappropriate to my situation. I have been stupid beyond belief.
This now leads me to my big problem. How do I now express this to him? How can I tell him that we have been wrong? That I can not do this to my friend. That we can not go on like this. How do I tell someone bluntly that we can not be what my heart wishes it so badly to be?
How indeed. But I must, I guess.
Farewell I guess would be the correct term..
Ta-rah... Love CBC </3 xxx
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