Letters to You...

To Her; I just can't handle this. I miss talking to you all the time. I miss going for our walks. I miss your random humour. Laughing about each other. Parties with you. Our goony accents. Writing stories with you. Just everything we usually do together. Now it seems that we can no longer find any common ground.


I'm losing you and I knew it would happen as soon as you found out. That's why I waited so long to tell you. To me, it was like signing off on our friendship. That's what I hated. That the two of you somehow made a show of my life and put everything into categories.

Then the blames falls to me... Even though I had no intention of falling into the middle of your sardonic and sadistic love triangle.

To Him; I believe.. despite my recent attachment with you, that the two of you are most probably destined for each other. That your worlds will always intertwine, That I will not have the slightest chance of staying in your heart because, at the end of the day, she was your first love and your one and only. Just as you are for her.

You split up because you deny it and you try and hide your constant pulling sensation towards her. Which is undeniable. You are both drawn to each other. It is inevitable and unexplainable. Also, it is a pity.

I truly do love you both, in different ways. I just hate the thought of losing either of you in any shape or form. I hope I do not have to... Ta-rah...
Love CBC xxx

Mixed Wash

I'm falling into line, dear,

I've become;

                     a lost cause

                                        a little lamb

How do you change an image of yourself,

When the lines are drawn so clear?

How can you stop a rumour of something that was once true?

how can you build a life on a lie? Is there point to even try?

Lines mixing,

colours fading,

nothing makes very much sense.

Though, in the end,

you might just catch a glimpse...

of the fragile heart behind my tired and lonely fence.

By CBC (TM)

Ta-Rah!

Love CBC!! ^.^ xxx

Geeky Tiems :)

I have read every single one of the Harry Potter books - More than once. I have watched all of the films - many times. I have joined lots of groups and online sites of Harry Potter. I've been out at midnight to buy the films when they first all came out. I had a Harry Potter backpack as a child. I have a Harry Potter bed cover and all the sticker books. I have a wand. I used to pretend I was Hermione Granger in some local woods where I grew up. I have a video of my friends and I quoting the books, word for word. I cried my eyes out and sobbed "Mischief Managed" when the last film, of the last book finished. I am the Potter Generation. I am a huge geek.

I stayed up several times over the duration of a week to get on to PotterMore (the continuation of the world of Harry Potter). How is it that I still have yet to receive my welcome email. Most of my friends are already online and have been sorted into their houses. It seems like such fun and I can not wait.

Okay, enough of my geeky ranting. :)
Ta-rah! Love CBC ^.^ xxx

Broken Strings ^.^

You hugged me tightly. Heavy breaths, shattering and falling in uneven patterns. Standing in front of me. Broken. You were broken. You spoke in whispers of memories and of fading pictures. You spoke in unchecked mutterings. You told me I was the first to listen.

I was the first, it seemed, that cared.

It broke my heart to see you like that. It seemed you were crumbling. I have no idea if you meant it. I have no idea whether those feelings and thoughts you profess are true - how can I? However, I can say that when you were in that state of mind, to me you were an angel. You are all I could think about loving.

I see an angel,

don't let that fade away,

For the very first time,

I want you to stay...

I'm losing myself,

from everything I knew,

I'm feeling closer than ever,

And now I don't know what to do.

Original by CBC (TM)

Well, Ta-rah!

Love CBC ^.^ xxx

Romeo, Romeo, Where for art thou, Romeo?

My problem is; I always want the fairytale.

I've been waiting for the likes of Mr Darcy and Landon Carters. You know, waiting for the guy that throws rocks at my window at 3am in the morning with a BoomBox playing our song - just for forgiveness at a petty row. The guy that tells the world he loves me and that I make him want to be a better person. The guy that stands on a coffee cart and declares his love for me, despite anything.
I want that guy.

Which i realise is a lot to ask. However, I can't remove the thought from my head because it's stuck there in permanent marker. All those love songs. All the romantic novels. All the films that I've watched throughout my life. They are all screaming the same thing.

I also know that nobody will realise I want this. I have been deemed "Realistic" and "Un-Romantic". This, however, is a fallacy. Yet, you can't grow up in this day and age pulling romantic stunts without being shunned from civilisation sometimes. So, my lack of romantic gestures is not a sure sign I dislike it - but that I'm waiting for the guy that does them back to me.

That's right, I'm waiting for a guy; to declare his love for me in public, to court me, to care enough to try.
Then maybe, just maybe, my romantic side will be able to shine through and I can have my very own fairytale.

So, if any guys read this. That is my advice to you. Try. If there is a girl you like ... And I mean really like and you're unsure of circumstance or opportunity. Then do something about it. Follow the moves of the great.

Run to the airport to meet her plane as it lands and surprise her with your compassion.

Write her a song.

Learn to do something she loves for her.

Take a leaf from "Casablanca", "Pride and Prejudice", "Notting Hill" and every other romantic thing available. There is a lot to go on. Try and see where it gets you. Romance and chivalry should not be dead. Otherwise we'll be promoting treating a girl like she doesn't matter and provoke similar thoughts in her own head.

Perhaps, what makes a girl so confusing is that she is confused herself. If you make it completely clear; don't flirt with others, don't halfheartedly do things and don't give up, then she wouldn't either. That is my advice. I believe if you show a girl that you're not going anywhere and then prove it by your actions. She wouldn't be so judgmental and suspicious.

Enough heavy. Just a thought. ^.^
Ta-rah! Love CBC <3 xxx

The Story Of Us

What do you do when something happens, something so indescribably terrible, that the two people that are most involved have a relationship; and that relationship is effected to the point of failure? What happens when exactly a year later, after both moving on, you are forced together for several hours on the anniversary of this tragedy? Pretending nothing is wrong. Pretending that you're both happy. Pretending nothing happened at all.

Pretending - the word makes me sick to my stomach. It is the single vilest, most evil source of human incompetence that I can imagine ever appearing in a persons life. It promotes lies, disbelief and dishonesty. All of which lead to problems, corruption and difficulty.

I couldn't look at him. I swore blindly to anyone that would listen that I am over him but just seeing him there and acting like nothing was wrong made me think differently.

A secret; just talking to him without any hint of sadness or anger in our voices sent me into a mad spiral. I was back-peddling through the months that have passed to when we first began and I can honestly say that I forgot who he had become and what he had done for a few brief moments of delight. A delicious memory that antagonized me to regurgitate from my past. Yet, one that endeared me to him in a different sort of way. It made me believe in certain things again. certain choices and thoughts that I was once so strongly opinionated on.

Not that it gave me any notion to rekindle our passion or any thing from our previous relationship but, it prepared me more for any future ones. It made me see that life moves on. People moves on. Above all, love will always be there but, you have to mold it into the type of love that you desire with each new love that dawn brings.

Life is a journey, after all. Now is the time to make mistakes, to choose wrongly and to falter. That way, when the times comes to seriously look upon your life's choices you can say with adamant belief that your choices were the right ones because you made sure they were the ones that you wanted at the time.
Just another of my Epiphanies. ^.^
Ta-rah! Love CBC <3 xxx

The Paths Of Life May Twist And Bend...

It is possible, quite possible, that I've made a very big mistake. That I've chosen the worst path visible. I wish my head would refrain from starting all this commotion with in me. I can not stand it.

I see two visible path that lay ahead of me now... but this is all under the illusion that the ball is still in my court. I may have misread everything and made myself far too important for any such choice. However, if the choice is mine it all comes down to 'should I stay or should I go?'

A question that has frequented many minds before me and will continue to corrupt minds long after I'm gone.

Well, last night resulted in an unraveling of sorts. A person that seems so gentle and sweet becomes the person that flirts with others and doesn't keep promises. The type that doesn't seem to care if you have got home safely. The guy I generally avoid and dislike.

Well, I think it may be time to talk to him. Face my Demon. My Demon that may actually turn out to be the 'dark haired, dark souled Demon' that I marked him as previously.

Ta-rah...Love CBC <3 xxx