The Rainbow IN The Storm..

I realise now that the chaos you believe will begin by a simple decision is a lot more torturous than the repercussions of the decision itself. Things can always work out if you try hard enough. You always have the chance to make things better.

I guess it's pure teenage over-thinking that drives us and guides us through a life that is riddled with fear. Generally speaking; nobody is dying, nothing is broken that cannot be fixed and life will go on. You have to put up with the rain if you want to see the rainbow and I guess it's the same in this sense. You have to handle all your own personal worries and problems if you're going to pass through to the happy times.




POEM (Goony.. xD)


Skipping on a regular basis
melting at a touch
I wouldn't be a heart
If I didn't change so much.

Causing conflicting emotions in your head
Making decisions you can't help but follow
Without me as your heart
You may as well be hollow.

When you are lost
I make the world around you bright
I helped you feel alive again
I'm your heart - a guiding light.

By CBC (TM)

Ta-rah for now! Love CBC ^.^
Don't forget... Chin up and keep at it :) xxx

Trapped Down A Rabbit Hole...

"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know"

This is a perfect piece of literature which I believe defines everyone at some point during their teenage years.The moments in life when you feel like you're lost. Moments when you're doubting your choices and/or beliefs. Moments when confusion spreads and deceit taints the path ahead.

The times you makes choices and then realise the consequences you will have to face through the repercussions of those choices.

Hence, my life, right now.

The mother of the guy I kissed asked him if we were dating and he said "I don't know.. maybe". The guy I have liked for ages. The guy that used to belong to my best friend. The guy who I can not stop liking it seems.

But the conversation he told me of; the one that occurred between him and his mother... It's put everything into perspective. It ISN'T right, despite my feelings. It is completely wrong in fact to act upon these feelings because first and foremost; I am a best friend. And best friends do not do things like this. Despite how happy it may make them. So now, I have to figure out what I am to do.. I know that other friends will say I am making excuses to push out any chance of happiness for myself. Or that I am trying to make excuses because I believe I don't deserve happiness. However, that isn't the case. I have acted selfishly. I have behaved in a manor inappropriate to my situation. I have been stupid beyond belief.

This now leads me to my big problem. How do I now express this to him? How can I tell him that we have been wrong? That I can not do this to my friend. That we can not go on like this. How do I tell someone bluntly that we can not be what my heart wishes it so badly to be?

How indeed. But I must, I guess.

Farewell I guess would be the correct term..
Ta-rah... Love CBC </3 xxx

My dark souled Demon :3

I really, really am unable to control myself.

We went to the cinema, I couldn't not hug him through the sad parts... and even through some of the normal parts. I couldn't stop myself. It's like.. finally being allowed something you've wanted for a long time...

I can't describe it because it all seems so.. dreamlike... And I hate being Cliche or Cheesy. But this is the guy who I liked enough to split my first real boyfriend and myself up. The guy that the thought of gave me hours of hopeful dreams. The guy I never thought I could have.

We went wandering yesterday and... It was perfect. Like one of those dreams I'd hoped for for years..

We went to the sea and walked along it, laughing, joking... Pretending to push each other in the water. Accidental brushes of our hands. Then when it began to 'pitter patter' with rain we sat on the steps that lead to the water; knee-to-knee, arm-to-arm. We sat there for a while my head resting on his arm, his head resting on mine, and it was perfect. But, it's complicated... I gave in. I gave in to him when really, I should have consulted my best friend first... This way I might have just ruined everything.. We'll just have to wait and see...

Ta-rah..
Love CBC ... Forever hopeful of redemption <3 xxx

Jar Of Hearts...

What am I doing? How did I become... this? The best friend of many people and yet, underneath the covers and behind closed doors I am a monster. A monster that seems to claim affection and keep it .. not wanting to continue with it, but dreading to lose it. I'm like a disease that creeps into the lives of people that are already cared about and loved. I'm like a ruin, beautiful to look at from afar, yet a terrible, crumbling mess from within - Yet, nobody gets close enough to see inside. Nobody sees me falter or break.

It's been a while since I was told of my best friends ex liking me. What have I done? Flirted with him. Accepted a date with him. Laughed and joked and hidden the connection from her.

I am; a monster.

I am; relentless.

I am; Failing.

I do not breathe your name,

Long enough to hold it dear,

I can not stay long enough,

To watch the mist clear,

If I get too close,

if you think I protest-eth too much,

Things are too dangerous,

You're close - close enough to touch.

I feel you closing in,

I've had an escape route from the start,

I'll be the one to say Goodbye,

But we'll both be with a broken heart.

By CBC (TM)

Ta-rah!

Love CBC ^^ xxxx

Thought's growing fast.. o.0

You're in the background,
Of memories, moments and choices.
You inspired my actions,
Your words pushing through those voices.

You took my hand,
Guiding me out of wreckage,
Relationships have come and gone,
Now here you are with your own message...

A message of emotion
Told of love - yet with regret,
I haven't been able to understand,
To think, to ask or to reflect.

My problems - still unanswered,
Sits knocking at the door,
But I cannot let them in,
I don't want trouble anymore.

I act and think like I always did,
But with a fresh new outlook,
I can't help acting in this way,
Avoiding feelings I may have mistook.

Yet, I'm scared to meet prince charming,
Mr Darcy, Sebastian or Landon Carters,
Because what if I'm not enough,
without outfits, thongs or garters.

Or what if people don't understand,
The things that could be,
Or what if time has passed so much,
That he is no longer for me.

What if the skies cloud over,
And all of time stands still,
What if this is just a fling,
Causing more pain than I wish to feel.

....I used to dream of you,
of fitting into your arms,
I fell whilst talking into the night,
for your laugh, your smile, your charms.






Written for He Who Shall Remain Nameless And Unknown and Written by me! (TM) Ta-rah!
Love CBC ^.^ xxxx

What's a girl to do?

You know the friend that you've always liked and you probably always will? You know the guy you just get used to being a friend because you know they are far too good for you or the ship has long gone?

What do you do if that guy turns around and tells you he has feelings for you? What do you do if you want something that you have wanted for ages and yet, you know it's wrong because of previous miscalculations or misconceptions? What if...

My best friend's ex boyfriend. A guy that is also one of my closest friends. The girl who cried on my shoulder for months over this guy. The guy who talked me through the mess I made of my first boyfriend. What is a girl to do when a monstrous love triangle such as this occurs to her? If only I knew what to do or what to say... Anyway, Ta-rah!
Love CBC ^^ xx