Romeo, Romeo, Where for art thou, Romeo?

My problem is; I always want the fairytale.

I've been waiting for the likes of Mr Darcy and Landon Carters. You know, waiting for the guy that throws rocks at my window at 3am in the morning with a BoomBox playing our song - just for forgiveness at a petty row. The guy that tells the world he loves me and that I make him want to be a better person. The guy that stands on a coffee cart and declares his love for me, despite anything.
I want that guy.

Which i realise is a lot to ask. However, I can't remove the thought from my head because it's stuck there in permanent marker. All those love songs. All the romantic novels. All the films that I've watched throughout my life. They are all screaming the same thing.

I also know that nobody will realise I want this. I have been deemed "Realistic" and "Un-Romantic". This, however, is a fallacy. Yet, you can't grow up in this day and age pulling romantic stunts without being shunned from civilisation sometimes. So, my lack of romantic gestures is not a sure sign I dislike it - but that I'm waiting for the guy that does them back to me.

That's right, I'm waiting for a guy; to declare his love for me in public, to court me, to care enough to try.
Then maybe, just maybe, my romantic side will be able to shine through and I can have my very own fairytale.

So, if any guys read this. That is my advice to you. Try. If there is a girl you like ... And I mean really like and you're unsure of circumstance or opportunity. Then do something about it. Follow the moves of the great.

Run to the airport to meet her plane as it lands and surprise her with your compassion.

Write her a song.

Learn to do something she loves for her.

Take a leaf from "Casablanca", "Pride and Prejudice", "Notting Hill" and every other romantic thing available. There is a lot to go on. Try and see where it gets you. Romance and chivalry should not be dead. Otherwise we'll be promoting treating a girl like she doesn't matter and provoke similar thoughts in her own head.

Perhaps, what makes a girl so confusing is that she is confused herself. If you make it completely clear; don't flirt with others, don't halfheartedly do things and don't give up, then she wouldn't either. That is my advice. I believe if you show a girl that you're not going anywhere and then prove it by your actions. She wouldn't be so judgmental and suspicious.

Enough heavy. Just a thought. ^.^
Ta-rah! Love CBC <3 xxx

The Story Of Us

What do you do when something happens, something so indescribably terrible, that the two people that are most involved have a relationship; and that relationship is effected to the point of failure? What happens when exactly a year later, after both moving on, you are forced together for several hours on the anniversary of this tragedy? Pretending nothing is wrong. Pretending that you're both happy. Pretending nothing happened at all.

Pretending - the word makes me sick to my stomach. It is the single vilest, most evil source of human incompetence that I can imagine ever appearing in a persons life. It promotes lies, disbelief and dishonesty. All of which lead to problems, corruption and difficulty.

I couldn't look at him. I swore blindly to anyone that would listen that I am over him but just seeing him there and acting like nothing was wrong made me think differently.

A secret; just talking to him without any hint of sadness or anger in our voices sent me into a mad spiral. I was back-peddling through the months that have passed to when we first began and I can honestly say that I forgot who he had become and what he had done for a few brief moments of delight. A delicious memory that antagonized me to regurgitate from my past. Yet, one that endeared me to him in a different sort of way. It made me believe in certain things again. certain choices and thoughts that I was once so strongly opinionated on.

Not that it gave me any notion to rekindle our passion or any thing from our previous relationship but, it prepared me more for any future ones. It made me see that life moves on. People moves on. Above all, love will always be there but, you have to mold it into the type of love that you desire with each new love that dawn brings.

Life is a journey, after all. Now is the time to make mistakes, to choose wrongly and to falter. That way, when the times comes to seriously look upon your life's choices you can say with adamant belief that your choices were the right ones because you made sure they were the ones that you wanted at the time.
Just another of my Epiphanies. ^.^
Ta-rah! Love CBC <3 xxx

The Paths Of Life May Twist And Bend...

It is possible, quite possible, that I've made a very big mistake. That I've chosen the worst path visible. I wish my head would refrain from starting all this commotion with in me. I can not stand it.

I see two visible path that lay ahead of me now... but this is all under the illusion that the ball is still in my court. I may have misread everything and made myself far too important for any such choice. However, if the choice is mine it all comes down to 'should I stay or should I go?'

A question that has frequented many minds before me and will continue to corrupt minds long after I'm gone.

Well, last night resulted in an unraveling of sorts. A person that seems so gentle and sweet becomes the person that flirts with others and doesn't keep promises. The type that doesn't seem to care if you have got home safely. The guy I generally avoid and dislike.

Well, I think it may be time to talk to him. Face my Demon. My Demon that may actually turn out to be the 'dark haired, dark souled Demon' that I marked him as previously.

Ta-rah...Love CBC <3 xxx

The Rainbow IN The Storm..

I realise now that the chaos you believe will begin by a simple decision is a lot more torturous than the repercussions of the decision itself. Things can always work out if you try hard enough. You always have the chance to make things better.

I guess it's pure teenage over-thinking that drives us and guides us through a life that is riddled with fear. Generally speaking; nobody is dying, nothing is broken that cannot be fixed and life will go on. You have to put up with the rain if you want to see the rainbow and I guess it's the same in this sense. You have to handle all your own personal worries and problems if you're going to pass through to the happy times.




POEM (Goony.. xD)


Skipping on a regular basis
melting at a touch
I wouldn't be a heart
If I didn't change so much.

Causing conflicting emotions in your head
Making decisions you can't help but follow
Without me as your heart
You may as well be hollow.

When you are lost
I make the world around you bright
I helped you feel alive again
I'm your heart - a guiding light.

By CBC (TM)

Ta-rah for now! Love CBC ^.^
Don't forget... Chin up and keep at it :) xxx

Trapped Down A Rabbit Hole...

"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know"

This is a perfect piece of literature which I believe defines everyone at some point during their teenage years.The moments in life when you feel like you're lost. Moments when you're doubting your choices and/or beliefs. Moments when confusion spreads and deceit taints the path ahead.

The times you makes choices and then realise the consequences you will have to face through the repercussions of those choices.

Hence, my life, right now.

The mother of the guy I kissed asked him if we were dating and he said "I don't know.. maybe". The guy I have liked for ages. The guy that used to belong to my best friend. The guy who I can not stop liking it seems.

But the conversation he told me of; the one that occurred between him and his mother... It's put everything into perspective. It ISN'T right, despite my feelings. It is completely wrong in fact to act upon these feelings because first and foremost; I am a best friend. And best friends do not do things like this. Despite how happy it may make them. So now, I have to figure out what I am to do.. I know that other friends will say I am making excuses to push out any chance of happiness for myself. Or that I am trying to make excuses because I believe I don't deserve happiness. However, that isn't the case. I have acted selfishly. I have behaved in a manor inappropriate to my situation. I have been stupid beyond belief.

This now leads me to my big problem. How do I now express this to him? How can I tell him that we have been wrong? That I can not do this to my friend. That we can not go on like this. How do I tell someone bluntly that we can not be what my heart wishes it so badly to be?

How indeed. But I must, I guess.

Farewell I guess would be the correct term..
Ta-rah... Love CBC </3 xxx

My dark souled Demon :3

I really, really am unable to control myself.

We went to the cinema, I couldn't not hug him through the sad parts... and even through some of the normal parts. I couldn't stop myself. It's like.. finally being allowed something you've wanted for a long time...

I can't describe it because it all seems so.. dreamlike... And I hate being Cliche or Cheesy. But this is the guy who I liked enough to split my first real boyfriend and myself up. The guy that the thought of gave me hours of hopeful dreams. The guy I never thought I could have.

We went wandering yesterday and... It was perfect. Like one of those dreams I'd hoped for for years..

We went to the sea and walked along it, laughing, joking... Pretending to push each other in the water. Accidental brushes of our hands. Then when it began to 'pitter patter' with rain we sat on the steps that lead to the water; knee-to-knee, arm-to-arm. We sat there for a while my head resting on his arm, his head resting on mine, and it was perfect. But, it's complicated... I gave in. I gave in to him when really, I should have consulted my best friend first... This way I might have just ruined everything.. We'll just have to wait and see...

Ta-rah..
Love CBC ... Forever hopeful of redemption <3 xxx

Jar Of Hearts...

What am I doing? How did I become... this? The best friend of many people and yet, underneath the covers and behind closed doors I am a monster. A monster that seems to claim affection and keep it .. not wanting to continue with it, but dreading to lose it. I'm like a disease that creeps into the lives of people that are already cared about and loved. I'm like a ruin, beautiful to look at from afar, yet a terrible, crumbling mess from within - Yet, nobody gets close enough to see inside. Nobody sees me falter or break.

It's been a while since I was told of my best friends ex liking me. What have I done? Flirted with him. Accepted a date with him. Laughed and joked and hidden the connection from her.

I am; a monster.

I am; relentless.

I am; Failing.

I do not breathe your name,

Long enough to hold it dear,

I can not stay long enough,

To watch the mist clear,

If I get too close,

if you think I protest-eth too much,

Things are too dangerous,

You're close - close enough to touch.

I feel you closing in,

I've had an escape route from the start,

I'll be the one to say Goodbye,

But we'll both be with a broken heart.

By CBC (TM)

Ta-rah!

Love CBC ^^ xxxx